Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday!

That is what Frosty The Snowman said whenever those kids put that old straw hat on him. I never got it as a kid, but somewhere in my late teens or early 20's during a Christmas season rewatch it clicked.

It was Frosty's birthday.

So my first words to you, Happy Birthday little baby blog.

Today is also my real life birthday.  It is the first day of my 30's.  And I know so many jokes are made about women staying 29 forever or using question marks instead of numbers for their birthday cake candles, but I am actually looking forward to my thirties.

My childhood, teens, and my twenties were all about surviving.  They were about getting here.  I was in such a rush to check those little boxes of societal expected lists, that I did not stop.

I did it, I graduated from college (with honors, humblebrag intended).

I did it, I completed two unpaid internships that lead me to my first paid (admittedly poorly) job.

I did it, I met and married my soulmate.

I did it, I finally found more of a career.

So now what?

Over the last year, I spent a lot of time reflecting.  What did I want? Did I want to have a baby like so many of my friends? Did I want to buy a nice starter home in the suburbs because it just made long term financial sense? Did I want to keep my tattoos covered up and take out my piercings and get a mom cut?

I did not.  I like living in my small apartment where someone comes to fix anything that breaks and sets a pool up for me.  I love all my honorary nephews, but being a mom just doesn't seem like something I am ready for yet.  And I like my hair and tattoos.

So what does it all mean? What do I want?

Turning 30 means a fresh start.  It's a new decade.  A new beginning.  I hear your 30's are the most fun after all.  But it mostly means making peace.

I am declaring a truce. I am extending the olive branch.  To me.

I don't have to fight and struggle.  I am at peace with the work I've done.  I'm at peace with my childhood and teens.  I am proud of my twenties.  I hustled, hard.  It's brought me to this place where I am able to really self reflect and figure out what will make me happy.  What are my passions? What do I want? I still have youth on my side and time to start figuring these things out.  I am able to start trying new hobbies or activities to really set my soul on fire.

But to do that I need to really make peace with me.

Because I won't fulfill what we have all been conditioned to think I should.  I will be doing what is best for me.

Part of that is saying goodbye to old insecurities of trying to please everyone and the inevitable disappointment that comes when they are just not proud enough.  It's putting my faith in me to know I am enough.  It's saying goodbye to diet culture and translating "nutrition" into "losing weight".  It's loving my mental and physical self, for the first time in my life.

The other part is opening myself up to what is next.  To stop waiting until I feel like I am ready or good enough or in the right place.  It's doing something as scary as putting myself out there on the internet for friends, family, and strangers to judge.  It's no longer being held back by what everyone may say about it.  Because there are people with half my potential but double my confidence doing what I should be.  All because they didn't let a few snickers or comments hold them back.

Welcome to my blog.  Let's see if I can balance having it all.